Life has been a crazy, hectic, mess of wonderfulness lately. What’s been happening?
Last time I posted I was on the fence about starting Weight Watchers again. Well, I did. I lost 19.7 pounds in the first 3 weeks. Yeah…but while that’s awesome. I’m not getting too terribly excited because 1. it was much of what I’d gained back and 2. I know I can’t keep that amount of weight loss up for the long haul. So YAY for losing but keep the expectations lower on how much I’ll lose consistently. I’m also aware that it may fluctuate a lot over the next few weeks because I’m moving soon and it’s a little stressful.
I went on vacation with the fella and his family. We went to Orlando for 5 days and enjoyed pool time with sunshine and warm temps, Epcot, Animal Kingdom, a gangster inspired dinner theater, La Nouba (a Cirque Du Soleil show), laughter, and a lot of delicious vacation food. Fish and chips, amazing steak, fish. And….I was introduced to jaffa tarts.
Seriously, these things are delicious. Orange flavored cake/cream covered in chocolate. I loved them so much that when I saw them on the menu at the Irish pub the next night, I had them again. Kinda ridiculous but I don’t care. They were amazing.
And now we’re back and in the thick of packing so we can move in 2 weeks. Well, less than 2 weeks. I’m slowly freaking out and then K is calming down the crazy until I freak out again. I have so much stuff. It’s major purge time. I’m getting rid of So. Much. Stuff. I’m definitely one of those people who gets anxious about moving/traveling and while I love it, I get really antsy and uncomfortable right before it happens and I just want it over. I don’t mind flying or the airport process per se, but the night before I fly, I’m just thinking, “Ok, I’d like to be on the other side of this now and skip the flying.” I’m not afraid of it, I just get anxious about the process I guess. I’m the same way with moving. But because moving is much larger than flying across country, I’m at the stage 2 weeks prior of just wanting to be moved in and beginning to unpack.
On top of all of these “big” events there’s a lot on the social calendar. K had a birthday this month, a close friend of our’s had a birthday this month that we’re eager to celebrate, we’ve had family events, and we’re expecting my family to come visit shortly after we move. Like I said, it’s been a crazy, hectic, mess of wonderfulness lately.
I woke up early this morning to get to the gym for a 5:30a Spin class. Monday mornings are so much harder than Friday mornings even though I go to bed about the same time. But I was up and at ’em in the dark and the cold. Tonight I’ll head back to the gym for PT and Zumba. This morning as I was getting ready for work I started thinking about my office’s upcoming move to Rockville. If you don’t know, that move is going to increase my commute from 15 minutes (with no traffic) to about 40 minutes (with no traffic). That’s not too bad in the mornings but the afternoons? There’s always traffic. So it’ll likely be a hour to get home. Fortunately, my guy lives 5 minutes from my new office. And actually, I could probably walk to it in 10 minutes. But…my gym and my trainer are staying put. So…I’ve got to start making some schedule changes. Currently, I’m at the gym 2 mornings a week between 5:30a to 6:30 or 7a and 3 nights a week with my times ranging from 5:30p to 8:15p (not that whole time every night). So…if I’m going to be working 40 minutes or more from my gym, I need to change something. I believe I’m changing my work hours a bit but not every day. I think the one thing I’ve decided is that my Zumba class is going to have to go. I love Spin more than Zumba and I get a better workout. Plus, if I’m going to be meeting my trainer at 5:30p on Tuesdays still, I’m going to have to leave work earlier on Tuesdays, which means an earlier start, which means I don’t want to be at the gym until 7p and have no evening time before bed. I haven’t figured the rest of my week out yet but I’m going to try to do that this week and come to terms with the fact that my cozy little HoCo life is changing. See…in 6 months, I’m moving out of my current apartment and more than likely, I’m moving out of HoCo, which means I’m going to be leaving my gym and my trainer. I think I’lll stick with both as long as I can because well…I have a half marathon in six months and I’m going to need that for training. So…a lot is tumbling around in my brain this morning but it’ll all work itself out…I just gotta keep my eye on all the good the future will bring me.
I’m studying for a professional certification for my job. It’s an intense experience and rather difficult, particularly for someone who hasn’t studied in over 7 years. The plan was for me to take a mock-exam this morning but yesterday I decided there was no way I was ready. Well, this morning I woke up and decided I would take it but I would use a cheat sheet of things I should know by the test…just like I did in the course I took a few weeks ago. Well, I took the test and didn’t perform as well as I wanted (but better than I thought I would as I was taking the test). The good news is I discovered a lot of areas I need to work on in my studying. So I’m bummed out by the amount of work ahead of me but I feel more focused.
Well, I had a few hours before needing to get ready for my plans later this afternoon. So I decided, why not go for a run? Well, I laced up my shoes and out I go. I got shin splints FAST. I realized I’d be walking more than running but my head got in control and I started feeling down about the test, I started feeling down that I couldn’t run, I started getting in my head about every little thing I get bothered by about myself. So instead of pushing through, I turned around and came home. This, of course, made me feel worst initially but I eventually worked it out in my head that maybe it was my head saying, “Take a break.” Maybe it wasn’t and it’s just me justifying giving up but I do believe sometimes our heads say, “That’s enough. Give up now and start fresh later.” I also believe that sometimes you have to push through the pain, through the hurt, through the frustration, through the negative talk. Regardless of what I was supposed to do today, I gave up. The only way I can be ok with that decision is to not let it result in a downward spiral of beating myself up for giving up. Otherwise, it truly is giving up and not just taking a break.
What do you do when your head gets the best of you? Push through or give in?
This week started out ok health and fitness wise. I went to the gym and saw my trainer on Monday night. I had a date with my man planned for Tuesday. Then Wednesday I was planning on Spin and Thursday I was going to try a new cardio/weight class. Neither of those things happened. Wednesday I actually got to my gym parking lot and then proceeded to have a melt down. I called my fella and bawled about how I didn’t want to work out but I felt like a failure if I didn’t. In the long run I went home and I sat on my couch and watched the series finale of Dexter. Thursday night I still didn’t want to but I’d pulled myself together enough to be ok with it. I went out to dinner with my guy and had drinks with a friend of his. I had a great time and then this morning I woke up and dragged (really had to pep talk myself into it) myself to Spin and PT.
What I realized on Wednesday was that I haven’t just sat on my couch and really truly relaxed and had wind down time in weeks. I needed it. My brain had been pushed to the limits with work and my social life. I needed some “me time” and I needed it bad. So my brain just refused to let me want to workout. I tried everything under the sun to convince myself to go in for a workout. I even tried saying, “Just go home and get a walk in.” Nope. I was falling apart. I wish I could be ok with it when my brain says, “Go home and relax.” But I feel like a failure and that starts a downward spiral. Now, I know all of the things I should focus on. I know that I need to focus on how far I’ve come, the fact that I rarely talk myself out of a workout or even miss a planned on, etc. But the fact is, my brain is a little broken when it comes to positive talk like that.
Nonetheless, I worked at just ignoring the negative committee on Thursday and tried to enjoy myself. Sure, I’m kicking myself a bit today but I’m trying to just be ok with not being ok all the time. I’m a human being after all.
Welcome to August 1, the start of my birthday month! My birthday is August 7 so I say it starts August 1 and I feel like that’s close enough. But I like to drag it out, too, because, um…hello, I’m worth more than a day anyway.
I woke up happy, despite the rain, this morning. But it wasn’t long after being at work that my little workgroup got some unfortunate news and it sent me spiraling into despair and feeling the stress that has been work for a couple of weeks now. All I want to do is cry. And hug my fella. I totally failed at lunch with eating as in, I didn’t go get food and snacked out of my drawer (BAD IDEA). But I’m trying to buck up because I have to since I’m a professional and all and I have to interact and lead a meeting later this afternoon. I’m looking forward to a workout this evening and I’m so happy that my fella has agreed to come see me tonight so I can hug him. And I’ll eat something healthy tonight instead of letting my pity party continue. So August 2 should start better. I’ll wake up next to my favorite person, I’ll go to spin, I will have a fantastic training session, and I WILL have a good day at work tomorrow. Then it’ll be time to weekend party. Ain’t no party like a low-key weekend party!
It’s been a pretty stressful week. Put that on top of raging hormones and I’m just about beat. This morning after Spin I had a training session. I was excited to finally get outside and do tire flips. My trainer set up a circuit of plank holds, curb jumps, squats, and tire flips. Except she wanted the curb jumps to turn into jumping in and out of the tire after a flip. I tried, y’all. But I could never make myself do it! She let me assess it. She gave me time and she never forced me. She had me jump a million ways to show me I could do it. But every time I faced that tire my mind beat me. I couldn’t do it. Fear. It’s a horrible thing for a workout. I left the gym feeling frustrated with myself but I still wouldn’t give it one last try. I don’t think even if you put that tire in front of me now I’d attempt it. My mind has taken over. I called Kev on the way home. And I let it go and by that I mean I sobbed. All the way home. Almost the entire time I showered and got ready for work.
My trainer says we’ll try it again on Tuesday, weather permitting. I want to beat it. I do. But I don’t know. I’m not good with jumps. You can tell me I can clear it and maybe I can but I can’t make myself believe it. Box jumps scare the hell out of me. Basically put me in a situation where I can trip over what I’m supposed to jump and I can’t do it. I mean, I could, but my mind wins. Every. Time.
So this week beat me down hard. Despite Kev’s best efforts to beat the week back.
These beautiful flowers worked on cheering me up. I looked at them this morning and smiled because not only are they gorgeous but they mean I’m loved. So I’m going to try to focus on that and not that damn tire.
Well, long time no blog. I took a break. I thought I would take a break indefinitely. But I realized this blog does help me stay accountable. Somewhat anyway. But I’d lost track of what this blog was about. I’d fallen prey to only doing link-ups or motivational quotes. It didn’t really tell my story anymore. I mean, I guess it did to an extent, but not the real me. It was the me I wanted other people to see. Not the me I’m actually living.
So who am I right now? I’m happy but I have my moments of real struggle. I’m extremely happy in so many parts of my life so let’s start with those.
- I have a great guy. One who is supportive of me no matter where I am. One who tells me I’m beautiful every day and he means it. And I believe him (even on the days I don’t really feel it).
- I have great friends. My friends have had to be family since I don’t live near my own family. They support me. They cheer me on. They sit down on the curb next to me when I don’t want to keep moving forward in my journey but then they help me back up when it’s time to move.
- I have a wonderful family. I’m fortunate enough to have a family that doesn’t fight. Sure, we annoy each other and have our moments but I’ve never really fought with anyone in my family. While they don’t live near me, they’re always just a phone call away.
So what’s missing? My health and fitness of course! Don’t get me wrong. I’m pretty healthy all things considered. I’m pretty darn fit, particularly for someone at my weight. I have a deep commitment to working out. I wish I could say that transferred over to how well I eat. It doesn’t. I battle it. Daily. You know this if you’ve followed me for a while. But I take it one day at a time. Sometimes I fall off for weeks. But I always pick myself back up. And when I look back where I fell off, I’m always surprised to see it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. Sure, it wasn’t good but it sure could have been better. To me that says I have a better hold on my discipline than I give myself credit for. I need to embrace that discipline. Because knowing I have it and can do it, helps me keep doing it. It takes a lot of work but I can do it. I just have to go through that miserable stage of starting. But this time I’m not looking at it like a miserable stage because this time I’m remembering all the other wonderful parts of my life. Not only do those parts support me, but they’re worth being healthier for. I want to be around my guy, my family, and friends for a long time.
So here I go again. I’m getting back to what this blog is meant to do. Follow the journey of improving my health and how I see myself while I balance out my love for baking (and eating food in general). I’m not going to say I won’t do link-ups or motivational quotes/words from time to time but I’m not keeping them as a “must have” because that weighed me down (no pun intended) and stressed me out. And this is my blog that I don’t get paid for so it certainly shouldn’t be adding to my stress. So no set numbers of post per week and no set post themes. I’m posting about what I need/feel like posting as the moment strikes.
I’d planned to try a new workout this week but I had a week at work (more than one 16 hour day) and didn’t have time to go much of anything. I was offline other than work related stuff for 2 days. So I thought it was more appropriate to talk about stress and health.
I’ve had a long week. I was at work by 6am every morning and by 5am a couple of mornings. Those 5am mornings I worked til 10pm at the office one night and until 9pm at the office and then home that same night to work from my couch until 1am. I got 3-5 hours of sleep each night. By the middle of the week I could literally feel and hear my body buzzing from stress, adrenaline, exhaustion. Even though I was tired, my adrenaline and desire to bring this major milestone in this project to an end was strong. I needed it to end today (as planned). So I put in ridiculous hours. Fortunately, I wasn’t alone because my coworkers are amazing. But I learned some things about how my body handles stress.
1. My body buzzes (see above).
2. I drink too much coffee and not enough water. However, I do recognize that sometimes a good cold glass of water is more energizing than a cup of coffee. See this article for signs of dehydration. I had almost all of these symptoms.
3. I can paste on a smile and get the job done when the going gets tough. But I get so tired that I can’t control my emotions at times. For instance, I got so overwhelmed at one point I could do nothing but cry. I couldn’t stop. On the other hand, one of my friends got me laughing and then I couldn’t stop.
4. I will cry “uncle” when I need to. This one was a big one for me. I have a perfectionist personality type and I’m extremely hard on myself and set my expectations high. But when I get to a point that I say I can’t do it and I’m not just talking to a close friend, I mean I can’t do it. I’ve reached my limit. But more important is the fact that I can say it.
5. I tend to eat crap when I’m stressed…if I eat. I tend to eat breakfast and work through lunch and then skip dinner after gorging myself on snack foods all afternoon. One day I ate a lot of Starburst pink and red jelly beans and cashews for lunch. Last night my roommate bought me McDonald’s. Today? My co-worker bought me a chopped chicken cobb salad from Panera. That was the most nutritious and delicious thing I ate all week. But man that salad was delicious.
How have you handled the stressful times in your life?
I intended to write a post about how busy I am and how I’m not sticking to my normal routine. See, this is one of our busiest times at work. We’re churning out reports like machines, except that we have to put thought into them. Top that with all the work related holiday gatherings, personal holiday get togethers, holiday things such as shopping, wrapping, and card writing and life gets busy. Sometimes too busy for a workout or a good meal or even baking, which is often my only sanity saver. Well, I went online to find some cute “I’m too busy” picture and this saying popped up,
What fits your busy schedule better, excercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?
Well, when you put it that way…I’m just an excuse maker. Of course, I have one hour a day or at least 30 minutes a day! I just choose to ignore it or fill it with what I think will make me feel better, relaxing on the couch, surfing the net, reading. Sure, those are better options some days because some days you need that more than pushing your body but most days I need that work out or that home cooked healthy meal more.
So I need to sit down with my calendar and schedule in my workouts so I’m less likely to miss them and I think I need to add a “Do it for you!” next to it. I deserve it.
My sleep last night was interrupted and my dreams were consumed by cupcake recipes and PowerPoint tips and tricks. Unfortunately, I’m not making a PowerPoint on cupcakes. That would be awesome though.
I’ve been making PowerPoint presentations and reports all week at work and I know my work life will contain a lot of that over the next few months. We’re entering our busy reporting phase at work so it’s time to have Microsoft Office consume me and likely make me batty when it inevitably crashes.
I’ve recently been commissioned to bake cupcakes for 3 separate people plus I’m likely baking cupcakes tonight for a co-workers birthday. I want to experiment a little tonight and for one of the events I’m thinking of possibilities before picking one.
So between PowerPoint and cupcakes, I kept waking up. At least one of those things is fun? Well, ok, cupcakes are not as fun at midnight if I’ve been asleep for a while already.
So let’s hope tonight I’ll have new cupcakes to share with you!