It’s been a pretty stressful week. Put that on top of raging hormones and I’m just about beat. This morning after Spin I had a training session. I was excited to finally get outside and do tire flips. My trainer set up a circuit of plank holds, curb jumps, squats, and tire flips. Except she wanted the curb jumps to turn into jumping in and out of the tire after a flip. I tried, y’all. But I could never make myself do it! She let me assess it. She gave me time and she never forced me. She had me jump a million ways to show me I could do it. But every time I faced that tire my mind beat me. I couldn’t do it. Fear. It’s a horrible thing for a workout. I left the gym feeling frustrated with myself but I still wouldn’t give it one last try. I don’t think even if you put that tire in front of me now I’d attempt it. My mind has taken over. I called Kev on the way home. And I let it go and by that I mean I sobbed. All the way home. Almost the entire time I showered and got ready for work.
My trainer says we’ll try it again on Tuesday, weather permitting. I want to beat it. I do. But I don’t know. I’m not good with jumps. You can tell me I can clear it and maybe I can but I can’t make myself believe it. Box jumps scare the hell out of me. Basically put me in a situation where I can trip over what I’m supposed to jump and I can’t do it. I mean, I could, but my mind wins. Every. Time.
So this week beat me down hard. Despite Kev’s best efforts to beat the week back.
These beautiful flowers worked on cheering me up. I looked at them this morning and smiled because not only are they gorgeous but they mean I’m loved. So I’m going to try to focus on that and not that damn tire.